History

Set in the grounds of the historic Sutch Manor, the International Park is a world class venue for all occasions.

Facilities are available - including exclusive access to the critically acclaimed and globally renowned “Stu's Shack - Bar & Grill”. Where drinks will flow and blood will spill and if the boys want to fight you'd better let them.

Take in the idyllic scenery of the formal lawn and pass the historic “Pear Tree”, where Captain Onslow Lord Albermarle was said to have eloped with Catrina The Deformed on their tragically ill-fated romance of 1823.

Make your way to “Stu's Shack” along the “Champions Walk” where many famous icons have perambulated before. Who can forget the magic moment in 1976 when Lesley Down-Syndrome, fresh from his rebel tour of Birmingham, regained the Hyman Trophy and made the walk to the adoration of the thronging masses.

Pass the Carillion Bell where each day a guest is invited to thrum the clapper to the eagerly awaiting crowds, signalling the start of play.

The Olympic* sized swimming pool, heated all year round, is just part of the charm. Each of the famous four ends echo with tradition, history and stories of derring-do.

The highlight for any artisan will be a visit to the Victorian Pump House. Still in working condition, the Pump House was painstakingly restored in 1986. The team of expert craftsmen faithfully reconstructed the house to Gertrude Krabben-Schluck's original design. Today the fully working pump house still keeps the pool clean and fresh using nothing more than Victorian ingenuity.

On behalf of Sutch Hospitalities International Trust we bid you a warm welcome to Sutch Manor and wish your stay is pleasant and rewarding.

Carillion Bell

Lord Geoffrey Sutch
thrumming the clapper, 1958

The Carillion Bell was cast by the famous Hemony brothers, François and Pieter in 1653 at their Belgium foundry. The Hemony Brothers are regarded as the first of the modern western bell-founders who used a scientific approach to casting the optimum shape and tuning bells to harmonic principles. The bell was gifted to General Sir Lionel Sutch CSE, KJ in 1689 by Lloyds of London, in appreciation for his efforts at the Battle of Kavin's Rookery. Sir Lionel hung the bell in the Drawing Room of Fluchester House before moving it to Wimblehome Park where it was used to signal the start and end of the chukka. The bell rang every day continuously from 1694 until the outbreak of World War I.

During the First World War the bell was moved to the deep mine at Llanfiddlemiladi Under Roger, Wales, for protection from the Boche. In the interwar years the bell toured the Empire to raise the spirits of His Majesty's subjects. When it returned it moved to its present home of Sutch Manor. At the outbreak of the Second World War the bell once again, made a perilous journey from Sutch Manor, but this time to Stink in Yorkshire, where it was interned for 5 years, again protecting it from the Hun.

Time underground took its toll on the Carillion Bell. The bell became slightly misshapen after 2 carpenters used the bell as a football. Careful restoration by the Hanz Company in Dresden in 1953 rang the changes of fortune for the bell. Eventually it was restored to its current location at the end of the Champions Walk on the 29 February, 1958.

The bell has become a symbol of hope, each day a different person has been asked to thrum the clapper. Notable guests include Pope John Paul II, Fidel Castro and Louis Theroux. Ordinary common people are also invited to thrum the clapper.

Albermarle's Pear Tree

Legend has it that in order to pluck up the courage to elope, Lord Albermarle created a Pear Brandy from the Pear Tree. On the night of September 3rd 1823, Captain Onslow Lord Albermarle and Catrina “The Deformed” Habsburg eloped to the branches of the pear tree. As the first rays of light poured through the leaves and gently shimmered upon the face of Catrina, the Lord Albermarle recognised the terrible mistake he had made removing Catrina from her family. Climbing down from the limbs of the great tree he promptly ran away. Catrina returned from whence she came.

So strong were the effects of the Pear Brandy that it rendered Albermarle insensible for three days. Following the failed lover's dash, Captain Onslow was unable to see until the spring of 1825. Said to be heart broken from the affair, Catrina never married.

The Albermarle family, who owned Sutch Manor from 1411 until 1927 continued to ferment Pear Brandy and the company expanded through the early twentieth century with a the famous Pear Cider and not so famous Pear Porter.

Catrina Habsburg,
1830

Victorian Pump House

Gertrude Krabben-Schluck,
c.1872

Gertrude Krabben-Schluck designed the original pump house and workings. Finished in 1866 the pump house provided heated water to the pool. The major interest for any student of architecture is the unusual roof line, at 10 degree pitch rather than the more common 12.5 degree pitch associated with the era. However the unconventional roof pitch did lead to the ingress of water and by the early 60s the pump house was in a derelict state.

A campaign by SAVE Britain's Heritage in association with Blue Peter raised the much-needed funds and 62,000 unwanted milk bottle tops to restore the pump house. A 10 year programme of refurbishment was started resulting in the pump house's grand re-opening in 1986.

Krabben-Schluck is also noted for the Renmoir Arch, Hibert Cloister and the first Blemonade factory in Walsall.

There have been a great number of celebrity supporters for Sutch Manor from all walks of life. None more so than Lesley Down-Syndrome, knighted in 2003 for services to charity and his sport. Lesley first stirred the public hearts in 1968. Eight years later Lesley would choose Sutch Manor as the scene of his greatest celebrations after retaining the Hyman Trophy.

Other famous faces that support the historical Sutch Manor include Ian Whittlebanger from TV's 'TheApprentice', "Lady's Man" Leyton Buzzard - bassist from the band 'All Action Jeff' and the energetic weathergirl Suzie Kiddlington.

Lesley Down-Syndrome

The Bijou Bar

Historian A.J.P. Taylor

A memorial to the dwarfs burned alive.

Just to the northeast of the main entrance, on the driveway at Sutch Manor, sat “The Bijou Bar”, colloquially known as The Dwarf Shack. This perfect 1:3 model replica of the main Shack was built in 1857 by Lord Lionel Sutch in celebration of the heroic victory in the Crimea. Originally designed to enable the local peasantry to share in the great joy of victory of over the Russian Bear, something that has been an ever present feeling in British life right up to modern times.

The Bijou Bar was not intended for use; however, all that changed in 1902 when Sir Frank Sutch inherited the estate. During the start of the 20th century a group of nomadic short people roamed the local area causing harm to, and interfering with, the local wildlife.

In an attempt to civilise the unruly horde of halflings, Sir Frank decided to extend an olive branch by providing refreshment in what today would be called schooners (2/3 pints), and to them steins. The establishment was open only to those suffering dwarfism, with a strict 'No Midgets' policy.

The little people were served refreshments just like normal people. Yet, there was a strong reluctance to remunerate the Bijou Bar for their libations. Many of the undersized punters kept their money in a pouch sewn on the back inside of their undergarments to prevent forced payment. This gave rise to the still popular expression for spendthrifts; “… warmer than a dwarf's purse”. For example, Mark's wallet is warmer than a dwarf's purse.

In the neighbouring village of Cunthorpe, Arnold Arkwright, a local mill owner, was so enraged at the ban on those with Midgetmitosis that he set up his own teeny tiny drinking establishment that would cater for personlets of all deficiencies. This inclusive establishment's Achilles heel would be that the dwarfs* and midgets** could never get along and frequent rioting caused the establishment to close after only four months.

Recent historians have suggested a darker purpose for the Dwarf Shack.

In his 1967 book 'The 'very snug' Snug', historian A.J.P. Taylor, claimed “Sir Frank was greatly humoured by the movements of the pygmy population. He rightly found their jerking, unstable motions to be of the upmost hilarity.”

Renowned homosexual and attention-seeker David Starkey libellously claimed in his 1971 tome 'The Life and Times of Lord Killerspik' that “the tiny structure was used to hide his consort Lily McKellen, affectionately known as Kelpie. He kept her in plain sight, an intolerable scandal, even for a confirmed bachelor.”

Sir Frank was very fond of his waist-high paramour and had two offspring with McKellen, there was no hiding it. His eldest illegitimate progeny, Augustus Fitzkillerspik went on to have a distinguished military career while Augustina Fitzkillerspik became a socialite.

During this period the great Dwarf Purge occurred, and the tiny humans were relocated to the seaside town of Rhyl in Denbighshire, North Wales. This was a deeply vindictive act of Prime Minister Herbert Asquith, a well-known achondroplasiaphobic.

This left a dearth of homunculi to entertain Sir Frank and so he raised a troupe of bootlickers to be permanent denizens of Sutch Manor. He built magical little cottages on the estate and Lily moved into the Mushroom house, now famous as the inspiration for Jane Eyre.

By 1927 The Dwarf Shack had become a place of drunken lawlessness. The continued lack of payment was causing financial ruin, and rough trade was being employed by over 85% of the fairy folk to augment their meagre salaries.

After a long and acrimonious court case, local magistrate Sir Norman Jellico, son of Sir Stanley Jellico BEM, ordered the Shack destroyed. At 8.15pm on the night of Sunday, 27th November, 1927 police officers moved in and after a brief fight the order was enacted.

The building and all its inhabitancy were set ablaze. Eyewitness Dorothy Taylor-Wilson recalled “[T]he stench of pork was overpowering. The shrieks of the runts were loud but only lasted a minute, silence was bliss. Short to the end.”

The charred remains of the bar stood for a further 12 years before they were cleared by Sir Geoffrey in 1939, in preparation for the oncoming storm. The site has stood vacant since. With the new Lord, Sir Raymond, Lord Killerspik, inheriting the estate, will anything change?

* Dwarfs have human sized heads and squished bodies. Dwarfism - Medical and Psychological Aspects of Profound Short Stature - Pocket Edition. (Adleson, 1968)
** Midgets are in proportion and miniaturised humans. Dwarfism - Medical and Psychological Aspects of Profound Short Stature - Pocket Edition. (Adleson, 1968)

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Since the original article was written, the circle has been closed.

In 1998, Tony Blair officially apologised for the “Atrocity of Bijou Bar” (a.k.a. The Dwarf Shack Broiling). In a commons statement he said, “we must ensure a proper and full apology to the Sutch family for the unjustified and unjustifiable damage and destruction. I have written to the family. The UK government accepts and acknowledges their complicity in this shameful episode.”

The current owners of Sutch Manor were paid a “large” undisclosed sum in compensation for the destruction of the building and financial loss.

Fittingly, a small amount of that money was used to create a 1:8 model of the 1:3 replica of Stu’s Shack, to stand on the original site with a memorial plaque to those that were immolated on that night.

Edi Rama was guest of honour at the unveiling ceremony and served several guests from behind the now 1:24 sized structure. Andrew “Thumb” Belina, Area Development Officer from the Dwarf Integration Consortium (DIC) said “It is truly fitting that Sutch Hospitality International Trust would go above and beyond to remember those, afflicted like me, in such a tribute. They make my miniscule heart swell.”

By Royal Appointment

Our long tradition of Royal patronage has always been important. Our first Royal visitor was George IV, as a mid-shipman, his Majesty came to Celebrate the Battle of the Nile in 1799 with his good friend Horatio Nelson. He became a regular guest and, upon his ascension to the throne, in 1820, rewarded Stu's Shack with its first Royal Warrant.

While history has been less kind to his descendants, they have still been kind to us with Edward VIII "The Nazi King" also spending much time at the Shack and continued our Warrant. Wallace Alcove (destroyed during the Blitz) was named after the spot where he would regularly meet Mrs. Simpson. A dark and secluded corner, locals would often say it smelt a bit fishy.

Upon her succession, Her Most Britannic Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, was delighted to reconfirm our warrant. As a young lady the future Queen could often be seen sat at the bar, holding court drinking half a bitter and mild, with a Capstan in her mouth. Later, as disappoint with her children gripped, she would come back, disguise as Freddie Mercury, to drown her sorrows with a Cinzano, Advocaat and Lime.

We were most fortunate to have His Royal Highness Duke of York, Prince "Randy Andy" Andrew open Stu's Shack in 2020. Although this represented a dark period in his personal history, having been accused of being a "nonce" by Emily Matlis in her infamous 2019 interview. However, he soon bounced back to be the country's favourite Royal once again. We have been pleased to welcome The Queen Mother, Prince William and the future King, Charles over the years to pull ceremonial pints at Stu's Shack.

8th September 2022 was a black day in this Sceptred Isle's great history. God bless her, Her Majesty died after suffering neglect from all round ne'er-do-well, and Conservative Prime Minster, the treasonous, Liz Truss. To honour her, Stu's Shack held "Sad Hour" for the next 3 weeks, where all drinks were double the normal price. It's what she would have wanted.

We are very excited to announce that Charles III, King of the Brittons (and the upstart Welsh), has by his good grace, sound judgement and immense physical endowment agreed to continue our Royal Warrant, and we are delighted to be the official Wooden Structured Caterers to His Majesty The King. God Bless you sir. Huzzah! Huzzah! Huzzah!.

By Appointment to
His Majesty The King
Wooden Structured Catering
Stu's Shack Ltd
London